I’ve walked past La Ballezza in Birmingham a handful of times, always with that “I must try there” thought. So when the chance came for a spontaneous shopping trip to continue my mama’s 70th birthday celebrations, I booked us in. Expectations? High. This is my honest La Ballezza Birmingham review – and let’s just say, the experience didn’t live up to the décor.
Atmosphere & First Impressions
Let me start with this: the décor is exquisite. Rich, opulent, designed to impress from the moment you walk through the door. You can’t fault that. But a restaurant is more than its wallpaper, and almost immediately things started to feel off.
When asked if it was a special occasion, I explained it was my mum’s 70th. A thoughtful gesture followed – the waiter handed my mum a birthday card. Except, when you can see a drawer piled high with pre-signed cards waiting to be pulled out, it loses its sparkle. Some diners may find it sweet, but to me it felt gimmicky. A small candle on a petit four would’ve said far more.
The staff seated us at a corner table – nicely set, but compact and crammed in close to others. Within half an hour, we were flanked on both sides, close enough that conversations bled into each other. I understand the trattoria-style vibe of squeezing tables together in Italy, but here it clashed with the opulence and high end restaurant pricing.
You can’t have it both ways.
Service
As part of this La Bellezza Birmingham review, I have to mention the service: slow to start, generic in tone, and missing the finesse you’d expect at this price point. Fifiteen minutes passed before we were even asked for drinks. It then took another 15 to make them. When they did arrive, disappointment struck again.
- My “First Kiss” mocktail (£8) was serviceable – fine, but nothing to write home about.
- My mum’s “Beach Bum” cocktail (£16), however, was laughable. Served in a comically oversized glass, packed to the brim with ice, it was all theatre, no finesse. Instead of chic, it felt insanely tacky.
For a restaurant positioning itself at this level, details matter!
Appetisers | Starters
I’ll cut to the chase. The food should’ve redeemed things. Unfortunately it did not.
- Tartare con Puttanesca Chimichurri (£12): Described on the menu as “a bold beef tartare with mustard, pickled cucumber, yoghurt, anchovies, olives, sun-dried tomatoes and fried capers.” What arrived was dominated by one overwhelming flavour – acrid, greasy fried capers that tasted as if they’d come out of dirty oil. It ruined the dish, and the taste lingered long after. For a first plate of the evening, it was deeply disheartening and honestly disgusting.
- Red Pepper Burrata (£16): The menu promised “burrata’s creamy smoky heart – worth living for.” In reality, this was more like a buffala di mozzarella masquerading as burrata, topped with a red pepper crumb so hard it could crack a filling. It felt like a boujee starter on paper, executed with cheap shortcuts and ingredients on the plate.
We swapped halfway through, both hoping the other dish fared better. Neither did.
Secondi | Mains
By this point, the room had filled out. The atmosphere itself was lively and elegant – no complaints there – but the tables were so close together that conversations from either side became part of our own. In a rustic trattoria, that can add charm. Here, against the backdrop of opulent interiors and toppy prices, it felt more like maximising covers than creating a dining experience worthy of its setting.
- Seabass Guazzetto (£24): A dish that promised so much. “Seabass fillet with summer tomatoes in a fragrant Guazzetto sauce.” What arrived was a tiny portion of seabass, slightly overcooked, skin tough to remove, sitting on what tasted unmistakably like a jarred Lloyd Grossman tomato sauce. There was NOTHING homemade about this sauce. A couple of blistered tomato skins added some smoke, but the promised Guazzetto was nowhere to be found.
- Tagliarini Granchio a Limone (£21): Homemade tagliarini with crab and a lemon-butter sauce. Better than the seabass – but not by much. The first thing that hit me was the sodium. Salty to the point of distraction. The promised langoustine bisque was invisible, and the so-called “local hand-picked crab” raised eyebrows. Local? In Birmingham? At best, it tasted frozen and far from fresh. You may fool the average diner, if it’s local stipulate from where? The freezer, undoubtedly would be my guess.
- Panzanella di Pomodori (side): A salad that should sing with tomatoes, soaked croutons, and punchy dressing. What landed was sad, limp, and missing the crucial soaked croutons altogether. A complete afterthought.
Plates lingered on the table for a good 20 minutes after we’d finished, staff passing by but not clearing them. By the time someone finally noticed, the moment for dessert had long passed. In fact, I’d already scanned the QR code to settle the bill – a rather transactional way to end what should’ve been a celebratory meal.
Dessert felt more like an afterthought than a finale, so I declined. At that point, I was simply ready to leave.
Verdict
La Bellezza certainly looks the part – the décor is glamorous and sets expectations high – but sadly, the food and service don’t measure up. The pricing sits firmly at the higher end of the market, yet what’s delivered feels closer to a lower-tier chain. Think Zizzi’s, but with a far steeper bill.
From cocktails that leaned more gimmick than refinement, to starters that lacked finesse and mains that underwhelmed, the whole experience left us both disappointed. I truly wanted to be impressed, but the substance never matched the style.
And when the final bill came in at £140 for two, that disappointment turned to frustration. At that price point, Birmingham offers far better dining experiences where quality and value go hand in hand.
So my honest La Bellezza Birmingham review ends here, it’s a 4/10 – and that’s me being generous. I left feeling underwhelmed, and if I’m honest, more than a little short-changed when I know what you can get elsewhere for the same amount of money.
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